If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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