if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
