I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
