The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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