in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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