Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
