my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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