I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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