And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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