Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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