I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
