At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think your dad took our porno
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
