the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
