I am spending my child support on dildos
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
