i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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