It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
