If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
