I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
