his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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