The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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