If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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