do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
