I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
