he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
