Sry I called you an 8
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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