Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
