My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
