2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
