I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize