I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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