I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
