I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
