She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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