I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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