woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
