Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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