I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
