i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
