Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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