her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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