he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
