Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
