Plan B is the new Plan A
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
