He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
