i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
