Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
