I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
