you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
