i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
