I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
