I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
