its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize