Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
