Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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