should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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