I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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