I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize