Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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