Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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