He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were trust falling into bushes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize