I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
