yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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