I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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