so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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