I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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