I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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