Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
