This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
