I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
