Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
