Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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