:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize